I AM

The following is a paper I recently wrote for my Isaiah university class. It was such a powerful lesson to me, and so personally moving that I thought I would share with ya'll.  Like the man from the Willie Martin handcart company said, I would not give up any of my trials.  It was through the trials that I came to know God in a very personal way.  I am knowing and understanding God better, His character, His purpose, the "I Am". 

    Three years ago, I was hurt playing in a volleyball tournament.  Doctors misdiagnosed my dislocated hip for six weeks, the lapse causing significant collateral damage which wasn’t fully realized for over another year and multiple MRIs:  an SI (sacral iliac) ligament tear, bulging L4L5 disc, bursitis, neuromuscular atrophy, etc.  It was painful to walk, to sit, to function in the basic necessities of life and as a mother.  Running has been impossible. I did everything the doctors asked, sought specialists and cutting edge treatments to avoid a hip fusion.  The progress has been slow, steady and painful.

            About 1 ½ years after my injury, my husband suggested I get a priesthood blessing, a healing and anointing. Why hadn’t I thought of that before?  In that blessing, I was promised a full recovery and that one day I would feel no pain, reminiscent of Isaiah’s oft quoted promise that, “they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.”  That promise has always been attached, in my mind, to the Word of Wisdom I have kept; however, it wasn’t until I studied Isaiah chapter 40 that I understood the full extent of his message.

          

  In chapter 40, Isaiah extols the attributes of God.  Verses 1-28 have parallel verses to expand on a virtue either with antithetic ideas, parallelism, imagery or symbolism.  The first attribute presented is found in verses one, that God is alive.  He speaks and He directs.  He counsels an audience and is concerned for people, like Jerusalem. He is a living Father in Heaven, with whom I can have a fulfilling, two-way relationship.  We can communicate. The antithesis of a living God is found in verse 18-20 where Isaiah compares God to a graven image.  This image is of the finest quality, crafted by the best workmanship available, made with the finest woods and precious metals like gold and silver. This is an idol made to last, not subject to rot or the decay of decades.  In comparison to God, however, it is an image that is made by human hands, that cannot speak, that does not live, that is nothing but wood at its core.  An idol cannot offer me advice.

Idols are inanimate objects, devoid of life and incapable of interactions. Even the best graven images cannot be compared to God. Isaiah introduces not just a living God, but a God who cares deeply about His people, one that is compassionate and wants to comfort them (v. 1-2).  He is an involved and intimate God. Personally, this means that He cares about me.  He sees and understands the pain I’ve been suffering.  He wants to lift me and comfort me in my times of despair.  Sometimes He sends others to intercede on His behalf, like a loving husband or like a parent to plead with us if we list off course.  He knows us collectively by cities, and individually by name (v. 26).  He even knows my name. He will call to each of us, for everything God created is counted and measured carefully (v. 12).  He is like a loving shepherd who will lead his flock to green pastures for feeding, carrying them and leading them in necessary (v. 11).  His tender mercies are extended to all who will follow Him and heed His voice.

Unlike an idol, God is also capable of action.  He is the Creator of heaven and earth from the beginning and foundation thereof (v. 21).  He still has the power to reshape land (v. 4), and to act as a mighty warrior with His arm of Justice (v. 10).  He has counseled, instructed, taught in judgment, knowledge and understanding.  He will rule and reign forever, unlike an impotent idol. All will one day see the glory of God (v. 4).  Personally, I find faith and hope in a God who is still actively engaged in my life and in the lives of His children.  He has not abandoned human kind.  God is the same yesterday, today and forever.  He is here today with the same powers as in the time of Creation, the saving grace of Noah, and conversing as He did with Isaiah to a living prophet.  

As He can reshape the valleys and mountains (v. 4) into new forms, God can also reshape us with the power to pardon our iniquities (v. 2) and affect our movements (v. 31).  More importantly, I learned from Isaiah that God’s greatest attribute is that He —all powerful, all knowing, eternal and glorious—is humble enough to extend His Greatness to me. God wants to share His glory with me.  I am weary, weak and overwhelmed, especially as I face two more procedures to fix my physical ailments in the next month.  Recently feeling like I have been forgotten of the Lord, I serve my family as mother and wife, my community in cub scouts and PTO, , a needy Young Women’s organization…  everyone but me. My physical ailments and my educational needs (after 14 years of patiently waiting while I’ve raised children) are at the bottom of a seemingly heaping slag pile disregarding promises in my patriarchal blessing.  I have felt lonely and trodden upon, overwhelmed by responsibilities.  I do not have the energy, power and ability to sustain these priorities and obligations.  I need help to survive.  I need help to heal my injury.  I need help to flourish.  I need the Lord.  I need to trust Him and Isaiah’s description of His attributes:  that God, in His greatness and glory, will share His energy so I can run and walk at last.  He can renew my strength.